Last month, Jennifer Garner delivered one of the best April Fool’s jokes of the year when she showed off her alleged memoir, “Bless Her Heart,” complete with a forward written by her therapist. When she returned to her alma mater, Denison, in Ohio, last weekend, to accept an honorary doctorate, she gave grads a speech that was similarly endearing — and self-effacing. After joking about her grammar problems and thanking the faculty for helping her have “a life of adventure and fun and the tools to deal with more than I could have ever imagined,” she shared tips for the students as they moved on to the next phase of their lives. They weren’t all your typical, deep thoughts-type tips, either. “First don’t walk down the Grand Canyon to see what it looks like from the bottom. It’s great from the top – you should do that. But when you get to the bottom, it’s just a big hill, and it’s a pain in the a-s to climb back up,” she cracked, according to the Daily Mail. “We know, vaping smells like maple syrup or pineapple or cotton candy, whatever it is. But now that you’re going to be adulting, it’s not cute – just don’t do it,” she continued. Other words of wisdom included: “Nothing looks better in your 50s than sunscreen in your 20s;” “when it comes to Halloween costumes, go funny over sexy (why would dress like a flirty nurse when you could be a mailbox?);” and some more serious advice including, “mixed signals are not mixed signals — they’re a no.” She went on to urge the soon-to-be grads to “impose self-discipline around” reading from a book on your bedside table, [being] in charge of your consumption of social media. And [fostering] a sense of humor about yourselves because otherwise, you run the risk of being boring.” She continued: “If you’re a woman and – pardon me for being binary for just a second. The stage has been set. The world is yours to grab. Go out and get it, girl. Finally, stay close to your friends from college. You’ve just spent four years hanging out with them. That history is invaluable. Work friends, you talk to them about work. Lovers, you talk to them about love and dinner reservations. But friends from college, you can talk to them about everything and you can do nothing with them and still be happy.” Before leaving, she added: “My friends from Denison mean the world to me, have gotten me through everything possible. And without them, I wouldn’t know any Republicans.”
